Destroying thought in order to save it

5. The Enemy Within. This is: the one where a transporter malfunction splits Kirk into Good Kirk and Evil Kirk. Generally it’s a winner but two things in particular about this episode mark Trek’s age. (I mean, there’s a lot about every episode that’s dated, but most of that stuff I’m fine with.) The first and foremost is pacing. Most every episode suffers from slow pacing, at least measured in 2012 TV time, when we simply expect quick pacing and multi-threaded storylines. Trek usually has one storyline and takes its time with it. Not to mention that that shows have a 50-minute running time, and us modern kids are conditioned to like 45 minutes max. I knew I was in trouble with this one when they knew that there was a good an evil Kirk running around at we were only 12 minutes in. “What are they going to DO for the next 38 minutes?” I thought. Turns out, about 20 minutes’ worth of stuff. It’s one thing to be slow, it’s another when it doesn’t even service the story. There was a serious time crisis going down with dudes freezing on a planet’s surface but they kept having measured conversations about how they might resolve it at some point. Sulu was had to be furious if he ever read the ship’s logs later on. Moving on, the second sign of age is something that’s cropped up in a few other episodes, namely “The Deadly Years” (the one where they all get old), the absolute respect of Captain Kirk’s authority. Sure, he’s the Captain and you’re supposed to obey him at all times, even if his motivations don’t immediately make sense. But another thing the modern era has ruined in us kids is such an absolute respect. Way fewer of us ever served in the armed forces, and we’ve all seen way too many movies about corrupt authority or mutinies. It doesn’t make any sense to me that Kirk would remain in charge when he’s clearly enfeebled or split into two separate humans, one of which is evil. But the clear message is that even then, crossing the line of thinking he’s incapable of command is forbidden and rather scandalous. “The Deadly Years” wasted a huge chunk of time holding a hearing about it. They don’t spend that kind of time here, but there are still a lot of wasted words spent trying to get everyone to feel that maybe, you know, it’s OK if Kirk steps down for a little while during the time when his brain doesn’t work. Maybe another sign of age here, though again it’s just sort of the way TV was I guess, is that it’s yet another episode with kinda OK sexual harassment. This is, what, the third episode out of five so far where Yeoman Rand is relentlessly harangued? Evil Kirk is responsible this time around, assaulting her in her own quarters. She fights him off but is obviously rattled by it, of course. Only the show has no idea how to resolve things. Maybe a conversation between Rand and Kirk where she makes it clear it was very upsetting and she knows it wasn’t really Kirk, but all the same, if he could steer clear for a while, that would be polite. No, we don’t get that. Instead we get a weird line from Spock after all is settled: “The imposter had some very interesting qualities, wouldn’t you say, Yeoman?” What? Is this conversation? Is this even legal? Is he suggesting that Kirk’s crazed animal-man side is something girls should dig? That line is baffling. (Memory Alpha has a bit about how the actress who played Rand agrees.) Killer Spock line:”If I seem insensitive to what you’re going through, understand, it’s the way I am.” Overall: obviously some flaws but a solid story that covers a lot of ground. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Shatner Showcase
• Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway

6. Mudd’s Women. Well, that last episode had some sexist overtones, hopefully this next one will have a more progressive attitude…aw, hell. TOS, for all your progressive views on race and multiculturalism and peace, you just really don’t know what to do with yourself in the realm of sexual equality. Sure, women can have real jobs on starships (not captain though!) if they’re into that sort of thing but otherwise they’re pretty cool with being sold as wives to miners on desolate wasteland planets. Somehow this episode has a pretty positive reputation, but I didn’t like it much. There’s one good sci-fi idea of a youth-preserving drug, but the direction they take it is very odd, and mostly I see this one as wasted potential. It should be kind of funny, but it isn’t. It should be kind of character-driven surrounding Mudd and the women, but it isn’t that either. Mudd is memorable but feels like he should be more of a lovable rapscallion (a la Cyrano Jones from “The Trouble With Tribbles”) but instead he’s just kind of a sleazebag. I think this is one that people can remember like The One Where They All Get Old or The One Where They Are 1920s Chicago Gangsters, where the fact that it’s memorable must mean it’s good, but that’s really not the case. I do like one bit of trivia about it–it was one of the very first episodes produced and was under consideration as the “second” pilot. But NBC postponed airing it because they were concerned about its central theme of (per Memory Alpha and Inside Star Trek) “selling women throughout the galaxy” and the guest stars being “an intergalactic pimp” and “three space hookers”. But by the sixth episode I guess that was fine. Killer Spock line: “I’m happy the affair is over. A most annoying emotional episode.” Overall: 2 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Kirk hits it off with alien babe
• “Doctor” McCoy admits he has no idea how Vulcan physiology works
• Lighthearted banter to close episode

7. What are Little Girls Made Of? Watching the third season before this one again gets weird because I’ve seen the main theme presented here before in “Requiem for Methuselah,” only it actually came much later in the series. I thought it was more or less fresh then, and stale now, but I’m backwards. I’m not really worried about spoilers here, so to get it out in the open, there’s a genius whose secret (!!!) is that all his companions are robots he built. Though it is handled differently. In “Methuselah” it’s a big reveal that the cute companion girl is a robot – only after Kirk is in love with her! Oh no! No man should be in love with a machine! Here, we learn what’s up really early on so Kirk can rhapsodize about human superiority over machines, etc., and then he smooches on the robot girl anyway retroactively undercutting every theme and plot point of both episodes. Well anyway, I liked “Methuselah” and I liked this episode. Both are fertile ground for Trek’s overarching theme of humans being totally the best life ever. This one had some extra humor, good pacing, and generally a well-told story, thought it had its wacky moments. For example, of all the sci-fi ways to make android copies of humans, surely having the human lay on a spinning table until the android is generated is the oddest. Maybe, like, angular momentum distills out one’s genetics, if it’s done right, or something. I also liked how the way to distinguish which of the Kirk copies was the real one was for the android girl to offer him a kiss. When turned down, she instantly knows she’s talking to a lifeless android (Real Kirk never turns down a kiss) and vaporizes it. I’ll note there was one major flaw in the whole scheme. Korby loves his whole android-building scheme because he claims you become immortal. Duplication isn’t immortality, guy. That’s great for my duplicate if it lives on forever, but it’s not like that does anything for me. A guy who was clever enough to make clones using a giant merry-go-round never thought of this? Killer Spock line: “Frankly I was rather dismayed by your use of the term ‘half-breed,’ Captain. You must admit it was an unsophisticated expression.” Overall: 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Anonymous redshirt killed
• Kirk hits it off with alien babe
• Computers can be buggered by logical traps
• The indomitable human spirit conquers all

8. Miri. I’m not really calling some of the common setups in Trek “tropes.” Even though they probably are. Here we have feral space kids. The last one we had androids. I think they’re more like themes, though. Especially in the sixties, maybe. Everyone was scared about creeping technology and the crazy younger generation. (Not like today! Those fears are totally in the past now!) And AGAIN, a recycled plot from the third season emerges. “Miri” parallels “And the Children Shall Lead.” This time I think the original is much better, as does most of the internet, I think. Though still, the whole idea of crazy space kids is never all that good. At least this time they have a leader in swell character actor Michael J. Pollard, and a pretty well-developed character in Miri. The show is very effective an conveying the crew’s frustration in trying to solve a medical mystery, under deadline, while also having to babysit. It really actually works quite well, and succeeds where ATCSL fails. I can’t find the exact quote or information anymore, but I recall from when I watched ATCSL that third-season producer Fred Freiberger thought his kid episode was good and “Miri” was terrible, and it gave me something to think about as I watched the two seasons. I’ve already ripped on Fred enough in third-season reviews, but man was he wrong, and man did he make some lousy Trek. Killer Spock line: “It could be a beakerful of death.” Overall: 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Anonymous redshirt killed No wait! They didn’t die! These were the luckiest redshirts ever, they avoided disease and killer children for weeks
• Badger alien until you get what you want

I last reviewed Trek in the summer and took a long break after season 3 broke my spirits. The third season of Trek is something that people really shouldn’t watch. Normal persons would not like it. Nerdy persons will be disappointed, and will question their faith in things nerdy. I know I did. I watched Friday Night Lights and Star Trek season 3 at the same time and there was no question which I was enjoying more. But we’re back ’round to season one and redemption. My friends, redemption.

1. The Man Trap. I watched a lot of Trek growing up. And in my twenties and thirties I’ve periodically rediscovered the show, getting really excited and watching like four episodes before the feeling wore off and I forgot about it again. But the point is I’ve seen most or all of them by now, only sometimes it’s been a year, or twenty years, since my last viewing of a particular episode. When I was watching “The Man Trap” I had the distinct feeling I’d seen one where an alien looks like different people to different members of the crew. But it was probably, in fact, this episode. Or maybe it wasn’t, because if Trek has no qualms about recycling its plots. Anyway, like a lot of original Trek, it starts out with a really promising premise but just kind of ends up being a lot of running around and time fill. Though a marked improvement from what I’d grown accustomed to with Season 3 is that the characters are still being thoughtfully developed, so there’s some nice time devoted to getting to know them. Though this unfortunately includes a lot of Yeoman Rand, whose lone character trait is that she is supposed to be cute (and has an elaborate hairstyle modeled after a big woven basket). I don’t know how long she’s featured on the show but I know we’ll be glad when she’s gone. Killer Spock line: I have to confess it’s now been a month or so since I watched the show and I didn’t write anything down, so I’ll steal one from Memory Alpha: “Fortunately, my ancestors spawned in another ocean than yours did. My blood cells are quite different.” Overall: a decent episode though clearly a purposefully neutral start to the series. 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Anonymous redshirt killed. Actually lots of them. It was a tough episode on the ol’ redshirts.

2. Charlie X. Usually I watch these shows in a basement, where all good Trek watching is done in the world. But this episode was watched on a laptop with headphones. It might have contributed to my enjoyment of it. I remember it being sort of a weird episode, but it’s actually quite good. The ship takes aboard a suspiciously nice teenager named Charlie, and then weird things start going down. Of course Charlie is responsible, and eventually they figure out that he’s pretty much a space god or something and can imagine whatever he wants to happen to make it so. Downside is that means he can just vaporize people who tick him off. The production is really well done here, and quite tense. Kirk knows he has a huge disadvantage and really can’t stop Charlie in any way, except for the simple fact that Charlie respects him as a sort of father figure. So he has a manage a really fine line of being stern and compelling Charlie to not, you know, kill anyone else, but not without getting him all surly and teen-agey. Definitely works better than the show’s other attempts and scary godlike children. Killer Spock line: “Your illogical approach to chess does have its advantages.” Overall: good sci-fi and suspenseful. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Badger alien until you get what you want
• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions
• Invisible Space Powers

3. Where No Man Has Gone Before. A weird one and kind of hard to review. It was the first episode produced after the pilot and there are characters and protocols we see only in this episode, and the pacing is really uneven. Also I watched it months ago at this point and took no notes. I’ll call it 3 out of 5 and move on because I can’t wait to get to the next one.

4. The Naked Time. Actually features no “naked time.” Though it’s not far off: it IS the one with Sulu’s famous crazed shirtless fencing spree around the Enterprise. That’s probably a good metaphor for it, in general. It’s insane and ludicrous but thoroughly entertaining. It’s a classic that shows the blueprint of what TOS would strive for throughout its run. Starting with the standard Trek plot. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: people beam down to a strange planet, and pick up some weird space disease, and pretty soon the whole crew’s got it and everyone acts crazy for a while. It’s even sillier here. Everyone on the planet is dead for unknown reasons and the landing party guy is apparently so unfazed by it that he doesn’t think twice about taking off his glove to scratch his nose and touch stuff around the base before putting it back on. They even make a show of decontaminating him when he gets back, though there is a stab at explanation for why that fails. When things start getting weird Spock theorizes it could be a new form of space madness (and as much as I loved THAT, it STILL wasn’t my favorite of the show) and later spouts another good line about how instruments can only scan for what they are designed to scan for (i.e., no as-yet-undiscovered space madnesses). We then have the standard Trek Act II of Sixties TV-Style Madness as everyone on the ship gets crazy while Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty stay normal and start to grasp the fix they’ve gotten into. Then, the standard Trek Act III of Glory as everything works out against all odds on account of either Kirk’s overwhelming charisma or some longshot science thing. And there’s even a doozy of a bonus here: they accidentally discover time travel!

No, really. All events considered, for all the Federation’s storied successes and history, they’d have to regard the incidents that took place on the Enterprise on Stardates 1704.2-.4 as a shamefully embarrassing example of failure to follow protocol, right up until the crew made one of the most amazing fortuitous discoveries in the history of civilization. Some Admiral somewhere had to have reviewed Kirk’s logs and thought someone was playing a joke on him as he tried to comprehend the chain of events that led to the Enterprise, again, accidentally discovering time travel. Because they do! Let’s review the ridiculous coincidences and breakdowns of Federation protocol:

1. Despite overwhelming evidence of contagious disease, member of landing party removes glove, immediately contracts new form of space madness.
2. Decontamination protocols fail to detect bug, so no one bothers to report crewman’s insane ranting. Majority of crew soon succumbs to disease.
3. One infected crew member infiltrates engineering, and despite being untrained as an engineer and suffering from space madness, manages to lock out all personnel and disable all ship systems.
4. Chief Engineer can only regain access by painstakingly cutting through an extraordinarily delicate circuit system with a phaser.
5. By this time, orbit and planetary conditions have deteriorated to the point that warp drive must be engaged immediately, but the engines require a 30-minute restart time, well past the point when the ship will be destroyed in the planetary atmosphere. Chief Engineer reports that they can attempt an experimental mix of matter and antimatter to cold-start the engines but there is only a 1-in-10,000 chance of success (the other 9,999 times, they can expect to be obliterated).
6. Captain and Engineer need Science Officer’s help finding the right formula, only they can’t immediately locate him. He is eventually found crying to himself in Briefing Room 2, as a result of space madness. Note that the Science Officer is a Vulcan. Science Officer pulls himself together enough in just a few minutes to develop an experimental antimatter formula to cold-start warp engines utilizing an obscure, untested theory of the relationship between antimatter and time.
7. Formula applied and engines engaged, the Enterprise escapes. They realize they are traveling backwards in time, though. Note that time travel has the side effect of producing a somewhat irritating noise.

Based on later Treks, Federation brass evidently decide not to change anything and to continue let crazy stuff go down going forward. We see this throughout the series. Engineering never becomes difficult to access. Diseases will continue to be brought aboard. I guess the goal is scientific discovery, and if that’s what it takes, so be it. Killer Spock line: “Take D’Artagnan here to sickbay.” Overall: Ridiculous Trek at its best. The only answer is 5 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions
• “Doctor” McCoy admits he has no idea how Vulcan physiology works
• Invisible Space Powers
• Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway

Finally, season 3 comes to a merciful end. I’m glad people look back on this show fondly, but the fact is, losing this version of it was really not anything to get in a huff over. Trek still retains its iconic style and did a lot of things that no other show had ever done, or even thought to do, but somehow all the life had been stripped out of it by this time. With no budget or support, most of the episodes come off as cheap or unoriginal or just plain boring. Below is a discussion of the last batch, then I’ll restart at the beginning and work up to where we started this whole mess. That will include the first season and just a couple of discs from the second.

76. The Cloud Minders. A favorite season three trick to generate suspense is the establishment of  some dramatic deadline right off the bat that will be conveniently employed and/or forgotten as the show progresses. McCoy will say something like, “The entire crew is infected with Space Dandruff.” Kirk asks, “How long do we have?” McCoy says, “No one can know. But things might start getting itchy in three hours unless we find a cure.” Deadline established! Ensue drama! Now the episode can progress within some set confines. The problems is that Kirk will take all kinds of liberties with it. He’ll take a few minutes to flirt with some local, but then things get boring so in the next scene he’s demanding everyone drop what they’re doing and help him because he only has 1.4 hours left. So it gets added and dropped at will. It just provides a convenient ticking clock for when one is needed. The problem with tricks like this is that you never actually need them. If the story has enough interesting components already, it’s just an extra thing to tack on, and why bother? If the story doesn’t, well, this isn’t the way to solve it. “The Cloud Minders” gets right at this idea. There is a lot of rich material here, so there’s no need to toss in some odd, unbelievable deadline to generate pace. The Enterprise arrives at a planet with a vital mineral needed to cure an epidemic elsewhere, and they need to get it fast. Only the internal strife on the planet keeps them from getting it. Kirk doesn’t have time for everyone to sort out their differences, he just needs him some zenite. The story has a lot to say about class systems and prejudices, and while one wouldn’t call it good, and it’s done in a much more effective way than the other recent attempt at Racism Bad (ep. 70, Let That Be Your Last Battlefield). Seems like there could have been more to that story and less to the arbitrary deadline bit. Although there have been episodes just like that, I think in TNG, where a planet wants entry to the Federation but they need to solve their own civil problems first. I think that’s another problem here: that TNG is really just much better at talky sci-fi, and could have done something more with this. TOS tries to work in some fistfights, of course, but why? Killer Spock line: any number of innuendos with this episode’s lead guest actress. That story, too, had lots of untapped potential. Overall: a good episode with a lot going for it, though it sort of misses its own point. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• Violation of Prime Directive
• Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists
• The Enterprise is the only ship within range

77. The Savage Curtain. Weirdest episode of Star Trek ever? Let’s consider. The Enterprise arrives at an inhospitable planet. Suddenly the planet disappears. It is replaced by a floating entity in space. That entity? Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States. (SPACE LINCOLN!) He assures us, “I really AM Abraham Lincoln.” Which is enough to make Kirk believe. He agrees to have him aboard the ship, and insists everyone don full dress uniforms. Why? Because the crazy space president thinks he is Abraham Lincoln, and who knows what will happen if we don’t go along with it. Maybe Kirk has a point? So what’s really odd here is that from this utterly outrageous premise, the episode actually sways you. No, it’s not Lincoln, of course, but it’s a perfect replica. The planet’s inhabitant, some sort of rock creature that we never learn much about, even cooks up a habitable zone for Kirk, Spock, and Space Lincoln, and has further replicated a bunch of other historical figures. It’s gone from bizarre to intriguing. Then, in true TOS style, it degenerates into a bunch of fighting until time is up. Kirk, Spock, and the replicas all battle (Lincoln successfully beats up Genghis Khan, which I will assume is historically accurate). Then there is a bunch of running around and scrapping. Lincoln and the Vulcan good guy die, but they are fakes anyway, so who cares really. But then the four biggest bad guys in history retreat to regroup and the mysterious rock creature decides that’s good enough, and lets Kirk and Spock go. Then it ends. Wait, what? The range here is something to behold. Act I: Insane. Act II: Somehow Transformed Into High Intrigue. Act III: Snooze-inducing. For such an elaborate setup it’s a spectacular failure. This one was written by Gene Rodenberry himself, but I don’t understand what happened. For all the careful plotting to get them to the planet, there is just a bunch of fighting and absolutely nothing is explained or resolved. It’s a play on “The Arena” (I haven’t reviewed it yet but it’s a memorable classic) only without any rationale whatsoever. Killer Spock line: bleh. Nothing. Overall: 2 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Strange probe president encountered in space
• Recent Earth history will always be relevant
• Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists

78. All Our Yesterdays. Here is a season 3 thing: take the setup from an earlier season, but instead of resolving the story, mill around for 45 minutes until you run out of time. This episode even steals the “jump through the time time travel portal and become a slo-mo photonegative of yourself” effect. It makes me sad, really, because this episode was about a sort of space librarian and had a time travel thing going. Only it ended up going next to nowhere and put me to sleep. At this point, I have a quick metric for these episodes. Did I sleep? Yes? 3 points max. Did I stay awake? Yes? 3 points minimum. Unless I was too dumbstruck to sleep (e.g., The Way to Eden). So I don’t have a lot more to say about this one. Though it is yet another example of Spock giving in to his humanity and becoming all emotional and gooey. Gross. Killer Spock line: “It should be an equation! There should be a way to solve this problem logically.” Overall: sadly another season three all setup, no payoff whiff. 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Recent Earth history will always be relevant
• Badger alien until you get what you want

79. Turnabout Intruder. I’m sure by this point we can all name our favorite sexist episode of TOS. Certainly “A Private Little War” makes a good case. “The Lights of Zetar.” Maybe “Elaan of Troyius” depending on how you look a that one. Lots of episodes have their moments. I haven’t even gotten to the first season and its frequent instances of Yeoman Rand. And we all have our favorite alternate Kirks. We’ve had milquetoast Kirk and evil Kirk, and he’s been possessed by any number of alien entities. In “Turnabout Intruder” we get a little of both of these things. Kirk meets up with an old flame, who double-crosses him and uses an experimental machine to take over his body, solely so she can gain the power of starship command. Why didn’t she just go to Starfleet Academy and earn a captaincy? Oh goodness no, women can’t be captains, silly. Apparently there’s a rule. Way to wreck up three seasons of progress, Star Trek! Well anyway, TOS-ness aside, Turnabout Intruder ends up being a solid, well-paced, fun episode. It’s not a classic, but it’s a good send-off for the show. And it’s probably a pretty good capsule of the show, or at least season 3, in general. TOS doesn’t have any kind of overarching storyline so there’s nothing left hanging, and you could watch this show first or last, really. Killer Spock line: sadly nothing to send off the third season. Overall: kinda goofy but engaging. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Kirk meets up with an old flame
• Shatner showcase
• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions

72. That Which Survives. At one point in this episode, Scotty informs Spock that he doesn’t know exactly why, but he can tell the Enterprise just isn’t running right. I have the same feeling about the show at this point. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it’s just…off.  I think one symptom of staleness in fiction is that characters are not really themselves anymore, they just become sort of caricatures of their most notable tendencies. I think maybe what happens is that the writers stop working to develop the character and start simply applying the formula.  Spock doesn’t just act logically, he acts REALLY logically and announces that he’s being logical constantly. He spends this entire show bickering with the crew about just how not logical they are. He says Scotty’s too emotional. He says the navigator isn’t precise enough. I feel like Spock had a sense of humor in the earlier episodes, and that’s disappeared. Of course, he wasn’t supposed to have a sense of humor, but he most certainly did, in a very Spockian way. See just about every Killer Spock Line I’ve posted. These days that wit is gone. It’s like when you crack a joke to someone in a rotten mood and they don’t laugh. Instead they say, “Chickens don’t cross roads.” And you know to stop talking. That registers as humorless. That’s Spock lately. This episode suffers as a result. It’s not much fun. Kirk, McCoy, Sulu, and a guest character (uh-oh) are checking out a mysterious planet. But it’s controlled by a computer which has gone rogue, kicking the ship 1000 light years away (or as Grouchy Spock insists, 990.9 or something) while Kirk and Co. try to figure out what the deal is with a mysterious woman who keeps appearing and trying to kill them. The stories were mixed. We didn’t really learn anything until we learned everything. There’s a little eye roll-inducing fake suspense built in (the necessary tool is jammed! oh wait, no, it isn’t!). Scotty and Spock had a number of interesting conversations, but I think they would have been more interesting two seasons ago. Killer Spock line: I dunno. There were a few things that were supposed to be clever Spock aphorisms or cute misunderstandings of human humor but they mostly whiffed. Overall: middle of the road, not especially bad but not memorable either. 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Anonymous redshirt killed (and a named blueshirt guest star, and some engineering drone–it was a tough day at the office all around)
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds

73. The Lights of Zetar. Parallel to my Star Trek watching is my watching of Friday Night Lights with K. We find Friday Night Lights to be sort of trashy and very much a soap opera, but it is a marvel of pacing. We watch two episodes back to back and I still feel like I could sit through another one. I never look at the clock except to check to make sure I haven’t exceeded my age-and-employment-mandated bedtime. Meanwhile, recent Trek episodes are putting me to sleep in a seriously effective way. I had to re-watch the second half of “The Lights of Zetar” because I closed my eyes at some point and next thing I knew I was seeing the awkward closing scene banter. On the other hand, it’s not really fair to compare the two shows. Trek is cerebral and adheres to standard sixties TV pacing. FNL is more modern: fast and emotional and multi-threaded. I’d still say I like Trek better on the whole, but let’s face it, about half of the episodes are sleep fuel. Maybe I just want to like Trek better because it’s more to my aesthetic tastes and admitting I like a teen soap opera more sort of kills my already dubious credibility. I can’t argue against FNL being more entertaining, especially compared to some of these third-season Trek entries, but I think if Trek had had even a fraction of the FNL budget, the stories could have been deeper and the production value much better. Anyway, I’m taking my time getting around to the actual episode in question here, and the main reason is because this was frankly just a really forgettable episode. The execution was painfully slow. The story really needed to branch into more directions, and instead it just plodded along looking for things to do. The resolution makes little sense. If you want to defend Trek as a progressive show this is also not the best place to start. The guest star is possessed because (as a woman, presumably) she’s particularly “pliant” (luckily men are resistant and around to straighten her out). Scotty’s relationship with her is about as subtle (and, let’s face it, creepy) as his preening love of a good warp core. There simply isn’t anything to take away here other than the well-executed freaky possession voice. Killer Spock line: bleh. Nothing. Overall: 1 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions
• Strange probe encountered in space
• In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• Lighthearted banter to close episode

74. Requiem for Methuselah. At this point I’m frankly surprised when I hit the end of an episode and I’d lost track of time and was never threatened by sleep. Luckily we’re about to round back to the beginning of the series and this season of dismally rare coherence will be fully behind me. Bashing aside, “Requiem for Methuselah” is a standout among what we’ve slogged through lately and here’s to hoping it’ll perk me back up for the last bits of the season. The concept is really interesting and the story is well-done, with a few unexpected twists. There’s actually a lot of good sci-fi themes covered: AI, immortality, human nature in the future, should people date robots, and if so, is it cool to have a whole harem of them, even if most are de-activated and you live alone. Getting back to what I was thinking about regarding ep. 72′s Grouchy Spock, I didn’t feel like the characters were being forced on me anymore, they were just doing what they do, and everything fell into place. Of course one of the main things they do is that Kirk falls for every new woman he meets and this time around he gets particularly pushy about it, to the point of fighting other dudes that he thinks might have their eye on his girl. (At one point when Spock interferes, he yells, “Stay out of this, we’re fighting over a woman!”) Curious ending scene, however, and inconsistent with other episodes. So if Kirk is going to fall in love over and over they need to come up with ways for him to consistently leave it all behind and be ready for the next show. There was one recent show where Kirk was in love (I don’t remember which–I can’t even keep track of them all) where it was resolved that he’d be OK because his first love is the ship. But this time he is so enamored he ends the show with his head down at his desk in his room, crying to himself. Awww…but Spock erases his memory or something, so we’re all good. Killer Spock line: “It does appear to defy the male logic, as I understand it.” Overall: a strong episode not only for the third season, but for the series. 5 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Kirk hits it off with alien babe
• Violation of Prime Directive
• Spock displays Vulcan superpower never really seen again

75. The Way to Eden. This show was made in the late 1960s and addressed numerous progressive themes. Listen, if that’s your thing then at some point you need to address hippies. Here, we have space hippies, I guess. And this band has stolen a Federation shuttle and are raising hell throughout the galaxy, until they run into the Enterprise and accidentally blow up their ship trying to cheese it. Kirk gets them beamed aboard and tries to not be too much of a square (or a “Herbert” in space hippie vernacular) even though The Man is telling him to. There’s a lot of stuff about how it’s cool to be a free spirit when you’re young but all the Enterprise crew is older and wiser now and jobs are much better than the barefoot alternative, even if one can totally dig the music. Eventually we figure out that the leader is basically a nut and his followers are being led astray. We even learn that Spock is pretty much a hippie himself, and even jams with them a bit. But what we don’t learn are lessons like: is there a good reason to have a fully functional auxiliary bridge–that requires no piloting expertise of any kind–to be aboard a starship? And for that matter, if you did happen to have that, should you leave it unguarded and unlocked? Because it turns out that if you do, space hippies will just go right in there and use it to take over the ship and there’s nothing you can do about it. Anyway, I can’t say this was a good episode. In addition to frequent plot problems, the show had a lot more singing that I would like. I would say that I prefer the number of songs in my Star Trek episodes to be approximately zero. This episode, however, featured numerous musical interludes, complete with the crew really digging it inasmuch as grownups can enjoy anything, what with their slavish duty to employment and hygiene and clothing. In the end, clothing wins though, as it is the only thing protecting Kirk and Co. from the acidic plants encountered on their false Eden. The poor, barefoot hippies.But score one for clothing, so derided by the hippies earlier in the show. Killer Spock line gesture: a hapless shrug after attempting to talk some sense into those damn kids. [No one can tell me Spock's not funny. No one.] Overall: not entirely unenjoyable, but just plain silly. 2 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
• Invisible Space Powers