He pronounced it “liberry”, so maybe that was the source of confusion

Guy on the phone: I would like to talk to a librarian.

Me: Yes, I am a librarian.  Can I help you?

Guy: No, I want to talk to a librarian. Is one there?

Me: I, uh….yes?  I am a librarian.

Guy: Listen, I don’t have time for these games.  I talked to you before and you said there wasn’t a librarian there.

Me: Wait. You didn’t talk to me before.

Guy: Yes I did. You said there wasn’t a librarian there.  Now I’m calling the library and would like to talk to a librarian.

Me: Well… I am a librarian.  There are other librarians, but they are just as much librarians as me.

Guy: I’m serious now, I don’t have time for this.  You need to transfer me to a librarian right now.

Me: OK, sir, maybe there was a mixup before.  But I can help you now.

Guy: Listen you, I’m not playing around here.  You know what?  I’m just going to call the operator back.  [Hangs up.]

Me: …

Posted in Uncategorized
Salty the Deer

This is the wickedly cool yet lovable mascot character I created for a fictional (…for now!) line of human-grade salt licks.

Notice that Salty is modeling one of the Red-flavored varieties of this soon-to-be-famous product.  We just need to work out composition, flavoring, patenting, FDA approval, manufacturing, branding, distribution, and marketing.  Then we’re gold.

Posted in ideas!
Paying to vote, NES librarianship, lettuce, and a cat

Two notable nerdstuffs happening lately:

*Just got a supporting membership to AussieCon4, i.e., this year’s WorldCon, i.e., a big nerdy sci-fi convention.  Among other things, the reason I got in on it was for a Hugo vote.  I’ll have some reading to do before the vote is due July 31, but that’s three months to read six novels and assorted novellae and novelettes.

*I’ve always loved insanely long, overly precise video game walkthroughs, especially when they’re just plain text files.  So I’m writing one for The Adventures of Lolo as well as Lolo 2, which I’ve been playing on virtual console.  I don’t have a particular reason for doing this except that these games are fun and very procedure-oriented, so it’s somehow satisfying to document the process of clearing each room. I was wondering if there was a job that paid you to navigate complex interfaces and document them, then I realized I kinda already have it.

End transmission.

Non-nerdstuff:

*Today is office-cleaning day.  I have re-discovered the color of my desk surface!  It is blue, I guess.  Somewhere between white and blue, anyway.

*We joined a CSA.  Can’t say enough good things about them.  I have been obtaining and eating a lot of lettuce.

Finally:

*New cat!  K posted some pictures.  Bea is devilishly difficult to photograph because she’s small, fast, shy, and really shiny.  70% of pictures show only an indistinct reflective black mass.  This is the second and final cat, and has already helped keep Artie from driving us bats.  You see, like most cats, Artie feels he is the most important creature on the earth, and we exist merely to fulfill his demands for food, shelter, and entertainment.  Should these demands not be met, he allows a generous four seconds for the situation to be rectified.  Should that time elapse without satisfaction, the yowling begins at immediate maximum volume.  Bea, in addition to the better space the new house provides, has helped alleviate some of this.  She’s game for some tearing around the house just about whenever Artie is, so they’re keeping each other busy.  And like an dangerously escalating chemistry experiment gone bad, a dog will be added to the mix maybe in the fall.

Posted in hugos, the cats that allow us to live in their house, video games
Book Report V: The Revenge

(Prior year book reports live on LJ.)

My book-reading fiscal year (BRFY) ends April 30. Here is my report, submitted for your approval.

This year I completed 47 books. Employment and the biological need for sleep continue to hamper me.  Turns out buying a house is also a substantial time drain and stress producer, neither of which are conducive to clear-headed reading.  So I hit the end of calendar year 2009 at a blazing pace, having read 39 books to that point in the BRFY.  Then I read only eight more over four months as I looked for a house, bought a house, and moved into a house.  Cognitive capacity is only just now returning, so hopefully I’ll get back to my normal pace.

Some highlights:

  • A solid run of  graphic novels, including Maus, The Watchmen, The ACME Novelty Library, and The Dark Knight Returns, among others. Also finished a Sandman re-read.
  • Completed two long, ambitious reads: Infinite Jest and Anathem.  Both of these would be favorites for not only this year, but my existence.
  • Six Hugo winners off the list, from the outstanding Hyperion to the awful Rainbow’s End.  That puts me at 40 out of 60 total.  I have been reading 6 or 7 a year, which would put me on pace for a finish in 2013, but I’m thinking I’ll prioritize getting through the last of them, so let’s shoot for early finishing by next summer.
  • Combining these last two points: I can conclude Anathem was robbed of a Hugo award by the much more mainstream popularity of Neil Gaiman.  Not that I object terribly, I like Gaiman fine.  But Anathem was everything a great sci-fi novel should be.  The Graveyard Book was quite good, but probably won only because it was more accessible.
  • Finally got around to reading Ursula Le Guin’s Wizard of Earthsea series, or at least the core novels.  Quite worth it.

Best read of the year is a tough call between Infinite Jest and Anathem.  Both were amazing, long, hilarious, brilliant.  Both cost me six weeks of my life, and I’ll read them both again at least once.   Anathem unquestionably solidifies Neil Stephenson as my favorite author.  I raised the question when I read Cryptonomicon two years ago: is it worth embarking on his Baroque Cycle?  It’s three novels EACH as long as Anathem or Cryptonomicon.  Whew.  As much as I’ve dug both of those books I ought to be excited for three more, so eventually I’ll tackle them, I suppose.  David Foster Wallace is another story.  I haven’t been as taken with other stuff of his, although I’m talking about a limited sample size.  Anyway, Infinite Jest is either the best book I’ve ever read or close, although it might have also been the most demanding and biggest joke ever on an author on his readers.  Other 5-star books are bolded in the list below.

Some goals for the upcoming year: more rereading, a few more classics (not sci-fi classics, like, ya know, literature), 12-15 Hugo winners, all 2010 Hugo nominees *before* the winner is announced (September 5).  Dare I re-attempt Gravity’s Rainbow?  Maybe.  But definitely one or two Pynchon.  And all right, at least the first Baroque Cycle novel.

The complete list:

  1. The Sandman Vol. 5: A Game of You, Neil Gaiman, 5/6/09
  2. The Jungle Books, Rudyard Kipling, 5/17/09
  3. The 1976 Annual World’s Best SF, Donald Wollheim (ed.), 5/22/09
  4. The Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe, 6/5/09
  5. The Sandman Vol. 6: Fables and Reflections, Neil Gaiman, 6/6/09
  6. Understanding Comics, Scott McCloud, 6/7/09
  7. The Graveyard Book, Neil Gaiman, 6/10/09
  8. The Wonderful O, James Thurber, 6/11/09
  9. Summer of ’49, David Halberstam, 7/20/09
  10. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace, 7/23/09
  11. A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. LeGuin, 7/24/09
  12. Zoe’s Tale, John Scalzi, 7/28/09
  13. Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell, Scott Tipton et al., 7/29/09
  14. The Tombs of Atuan, Ursula K. Le Guin, 7/31/09
  15. Little Brother, Cory Doctorow, 8/2/09
  16. The Yiddish Policemen’s Union, Michael Chabon, 8/6/09
  17. The Farthest Shore, Ursula K. Le Guin, 8/9/09
  18. Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling, 8/11/09
  19. Fables Volume 1: Legends in Exile, Bill Willingham et al., 8/16/09
  20. Gateway, Frederick Pohl, 8/19/09
  21. Tehanu, Ursula K. Le Guin, 8/24/09
  22. The Sandman Vol. 7: Brief Lives, Neil Gaiman, 8/29/09
  23. Rainbow’s End, Vernor Vinge, 9/9/09
  24. Opening Skinner’s Box, Lauren Slater, 9/11/09
  25. The Sandman Vol. 8: Worlds’ End, Neil Gaiman, 9/16/09
  26. 1984, George Orwell, 9/18/09
  27. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Frank Miller, 9/22/09
  28. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 9/27/09
  29. Maus I: A Survivor’s Tale: My Father Bleeds History, Art Spiegelman, 9/28/09
  30. Maus II: A Survivor’s Tale: And Here My Troubles Began, Art Spiegelman, 9/29/09
  31. To Your Scattered Bodies Go, Philip Jose Farmer, 10/8/09
  32. The Numerati, Stephen Baker, 10/12/09
  33. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klosterman, 11/17/09
  34. Anathem, Neil Stephenson, 12/9/09
  35. Everything Bad is Good for You, Steven Johnson, 12/11/09
  36. The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones, Neil Gaiman, 12/23/09
  37. The Book of Basketball, Bill Simmons, 12/24/09
  38. The Sandman Vol. 10: The Wake, Neil Gaiman, 12/25/09
  39. And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie, 12/28/09
  40. At Swim-Two-Birds, Flann O’Brien, 1/10/10
  41. The Seven Dials Mystery, Agatha Christie, 1/21/10
  42. Looking for Calvin and Hobbes, Nevin Martell, 2/5/10
  43. The Complete Calvin & Hobbes, Bill Watterson, 2/28/10
  44. What is the What, Dave Eggers, 3/2/10
  45. The ACME Novelty Library, Chris Ware, 3/13/10
  46. Hyperion, Dan Simmons, 4/2/10
  47. Everything’s Eventual: 14 Dark Tales, Stephen King, 4/19/10

List is stashed here and on GoodReads (which has ratings and very occasional reviews)

3 Comments Posted in books
These are all fictional, let’s not think about what that says about me

Man, found some great possible flags:

National Council of Astronautics from 2001.  I didn’t even know this flag existed, and now it’s all I’ve ever wanted.

House Atreides

Lots of great Futurama flags. I love the Globetrotter homeworld and the Neutral Planet flags.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind’s science team

If I want any of these and can talk K into any of them, I might have to resort for making them myself.  I would have to learn how to do that.

1 Comment Posted in Stuff to buy that I really don't need
Tagged
“Need” is an ambiguous concept

So, moving is pretty durn awful.  There’s no way around it.  We were actually excited to do so anyway, because this move was an upgrade: owning instead of renting, bigger space, better space.  This was an in-town move, an upgrade from renting a townhouse to buying a small house with yard.  And overall it went about as good as one could imagine it going.  We took the whole week off to do the work and settle in, and this is an approach I would strongly recommend.  Let’s recap.

Up through Monday March 29: Packing and prepping.  One has to play this sort of mental game of chicken with packing.  Procrastinating a huge packing job and retaining even moderate mental health are incompatible.  But if you start too early, you sit around for days/weeks with a bunch of boxes, living in utter disarray.  And needing to get things back out of the boxes.  Because this is why you keep things around, to use them.  You WANT to need these things.  Because you need to justify the fact that you’re going to the trouble of packing them up and lugging them to the next place you live.  To anything that you can pack up for a month beforehand without a though, you must ask, “Do I really need this plastic lightsaber?  Couldn’t I live without this cracking, yellowed kitchen device of dubious purpose?”

I think the major takeaways of this edition of packing are: I have too much stuff and can never weed enough of it, even the most organized move results in completely losing track of several important items, and I better really be serious about finding a use for all these old computers I’m keeping around.

Monday, March 29: Moving Day.  Crew of three movers showed up about 8:30, and my first action was to try to herd the cat into the kitchen to keep him out of the way.  Like all cats, his response is to very badly want to do the exact opposite of the thing you really need him to do.  Which resulted in his freaking out in my arms and his claws missing some of my vital throat blood vessels by an uncomfortably small margin.  I’m glad we only had one pet for this move.  The logistics of moving a pet are the domain of some operations management dissertation or a Werner Herzog film.

The movers themselves were machines.  Two of the guys were already lugging boxes out to the truck by the time we’d even gone over the paperwork with the boss.  I can’t say enough about the decision to pay people to do this labor for you.  These are experienced movers, and they can lift a lot of stuff, and bring it up and down stairs.  They can also, as I learned, stand still and hold many pieces of furniture in the air while I fumble with attaching soft padding to the underside.  This does not faze them.  By contrast, I am a librarian.  Librarians, as you may know, don’t even push carts and shelve books.  We pay students to do that.  The point is, I can conceivably lift nearly all the furniture I own with 1-3 other people.  This would probably still take days and likely result in the dramatic shortening of my lifespan.  The movers had our place cleaned out within a couple of hours, and the whole lifting and moving stuff portion of the job done by 1:30.  Amazing.  We got the cat moved, unpacked a bit, had some frozen pizza and beer and went to bed freakishly early.

Tuesday/Wednesday: Laborious unpacking.  K spent a whole day in the kitchen.  I spent a whole day in the basement.  K cleaned up a bunch.  I mowed the lawn.  All was brutal but necessary.  I would describe my mood during this period as “crabbily content”.

Thursday-Sunday: Mostly done but still a lot of running around on errands and feeling like you’re just about done until you remember that you’re nowhere close.  Also you discover  bunch of little quirks in your house that you never noticed before, but you will have to eventually pay to fix.  Associated chores can be fun or infuriating.  I thoroughly enjoyed a trip to the hardware store then we got totally lost trying to find the new nearest bank.

Anyway, we’re here.  This is the place.  Disgustingly cute, right?

My house

I already took down the American flag, is all.  It was (a) a bit more demonstrably patriotic than exactly suits me and (b) it was really big and blows in your face whenever you go to the door.  Still, I took it down in the night when no one could see me because I felt like I was doing something wrong.  I am trying to find a good replacement flag, but I think the flag marketplace is pretty poor.  There are cheesy dog/flower/nature flags (uh, no).  There are flags for places (either not applicable to both of us or simply not interesting). There are nerd flags–I’m sure I could get a Klingon Empire flag, for example, but that’s something you better be sure about before you put it on your house.  We’ll probably end up with a windsock.

Posted in home ownering
I miss LiveJournal. There’s no drama there.

My apologies, four people who ever have or perhaps ever will comment on this blog: I’m getting a ridiculous number of spam comments so I’m modifying the comment settings a bit.  It’s supposed to post your comments immediately if you have ever commented before, but your comment may get held for moderation.  This should kill off spammers but be a slight unfriendliness to actual humans occasionally.

Hey also, I move into my new house Monday.  I’ll endeavor to share some pictures and generally keep you posted.

3 Comments Posted in News, complaining about computers
Herein, I analyze all Chocobo Themes

The internet has waited long enough for a review of all Chocobo Theme songs.  Luckily the internet has prepared a video just for this purpose.

Section 1. Comments.

FFII.  Simple and jangly.  The basic awesome melody is there with few extras.  But definitely sowing the seeds of greatness.  This is the work of a budding genius.  I imagine this as the Chocobo Band’s first album, recorded for $700 over a weekend in a garage.

FFIII.  Actually a downgrade from II.  I think maybe they didn’t know what they had on their hands.  Sounds like they tried to go lo-fi and work just on the melody. Perhaps some music intern took over or it was overlooked by an unconscientious producer.

FFIV.  Here’s where things take off.  I’m pretty sure this was my first exposure, in the American “FFII”.  The tune has been filled out and grown into something special.

FFV. Some kind of tropical remix.  It’s a little goofy, but I appreciate where they’re coming from and it keeps its essence.

FFVI.  Brilliant.  The Chocobo Theme at its self-aware peak.  Someone lovingly crafted this who knew their way around a Chocobo Theme.  The sparse melody has been fully realized and built into a colossally layered electronic beast.

FFVII. A kinder, gentler Chocobo Theme.  I’m not sure of the context here–were the Chocobos drugged?  Or were they shooting for a gentle denounement from the glory of FFVI?

FFVIII.  Another where I wonder if I’m missing some context.  If I had to guess, I’d say this is heard when the hero discovers a playable version of FFII in an old barn.

FFIX. Are all the Chocobos old in this one?  You can’t ride a Chocobo to this music.  You put it out to pasture and start explaining to the kids that Old Chocy might not be with us much longer.

FFX. Complete unrecognizable and hideous. Is this a bad Saturday morning cartoon theme?  This is some kind of crime.

FFXI. Something about this one is a little off.  I like the idea but it’s oddly out of tune.  Or they’re meddling with the formula.

FFXII. Pretty great, ambitious orchestral version.  A true revival.  Complex and mature.  Kudos.

Section 2. Rank. Subjective but undoubtedly correct.

  1. FFVI
  2. FFIV
  3. FFII
  4. FFXII
  5. FFVII
  6. FFV
  7. FFIX
  8. FFIII
  9. FFVIII
  10. FFXI
  11. FFX

Section 3. Actual research*.

Composers: Nobuo Uematsu has sole credit for the score in games II-IX. FFX and FFXI have two other co-composers and FFXII is entirely some others. I also found out that there is a whole Chocobo video game series in which the music is composed by one of the FFX composers.  Considering FFX has the worst Chocobo theme, I’m not as excited about this as I should be.

*I’m going to go ahead and assume that wikipedia is crushingly accurate when it comes to video game information and not check any other sources.  Wikipedia also makes it clear that I have a lot to learn about the Chocobo Theme

1 Comment Posted in video games
Tagged
Trying to establish context. Also I will be broke forever as of tomorrow.

A consequence of buying a house is that my sense of what constitutes “expensive” is totally out of whack.

Context: we talked about getting a gas oven.  We don’t need this per se, but would like it, and figure it’s a good investment to get something really good that will be used daily.  The stove that comes with the house is electric, and has the coils.  I’ve had a glasstop stove for a while, so it’s a downgrade.  No one has ever endorsed the coils as the premier surface for cooking and easy cleanup.

Anyway, normally a $1200 purchase (plus or minus) would be a significant expense and I’d do a lot of research first and probably put it off for a while just to let the sticker shock settle in.  But when you’re already committed to a house like ours, $1200 is like a 0.5% extra expense.  It feels like practically nothing.  It’s NOT, of course.  It’s $1200.  It’s more than a week’s work.  But then again, the house itself will cost me 30 YEARS of work. Will I be mad, when I’m 63, that I can’t retire on Friday because I bought that stove in 2010, so I have to wait until next Friday instead? Gosh, I hope not.

1 Comment Posted in home ownering
Russian Lawrence Welk and laser croquet

I posted on twitter that I have the hearing of a 16-year-old and the eyesight of a 50-year-old.  I picked those ages somewhat arbitrarily, but genuinely trying to guess my age equivalencies.  It occurred to me later that my actual age is precisely halfway in between those two ages.  (Determining the numerical value is an exercise left to the reader.)  It’s a little weird to think I’m as close to 50 as I am to 16.  Sixteen kinda seems like a long time ago, but then again, it kinda doesn’t.

Totally unrelated, some items of interest:

*The Chilean earthquake actually shortened days on Earth. Wow.

*I’ve been obsessed with this video since lambwaffle shared it.

*A croquet set.  I am considering leaving a fake review suggesting shoppers look for something of higher quality. Also: laser mallets!

1 Comment Posted in items of interest