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Buried in the Noise |
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Features Really Slow Days at Work |
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Good
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Bad
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Unbridled
web surfing on broadband connection. |
Low-grade
monitor radiation headache from unbridled web surfing with broadband
connection. |
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Two
cups coffee, one cup black tea, two cups herbal tea. |
Jaw-clenching
diuretical enhancement. |
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Finding
misplaced resumes on my desk. |
Finding
misplaced priority documents on my desk. |
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Watching
people walk by outside. |
Leering
at cute girls walking by outside. I
don’t think they like seeing a shadowy figure follow them all the way around
the building. |
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Chipping
in on pizza for lunch. |
Your
boss takes the last ‘good’ piece. You
never respect her again. |
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Burning
new compilation CDs. |
Co-workers
unabashedly listening to Rush Limbaugh |
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Designing
jewel box covers for new compilation CDs. |
Stifling
the temptation to create ‘Limbaugh is Satan in Obese Yeti Body’ fliers and
leave them strategically about the office. |
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Dismantling
last year’s phone book to play with the spiral binding wire. |
Convincing
others you are not insane. |
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Touching
up personal website on office computer. |
Deflecting
influx of joke forwards from co-workers. |
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Practicing
carving technique with letter openers (applicable Thanksgiving only). |
Fasting
to prepare for pumpkin pie inundation into bloodstream (applicable
Thanksgiving only). |
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Flicking
pencils into ceiling. |
Easily-shattered
fluorescent lights. |
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Downloading
and printing grad school applications on industrial laser printer. |
Pretending
you aren’t photocopying your resume. |
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Discovering
the office’s bubble wrap reserves and going to town. |
Blisters. |
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Imposing
deadlines on yourself to start working. |
Sticking
it to the man. |
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Creating
elaborate binder clip and scotch tape sculptures. |
The
bittersweet feeling of accomplishment. |
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Computer
disks = Frisbees |
Rubber
cement != Hair gel |
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Straightening
up the office is a productive activity. |
The
boss assumes a clean desk is evidence of free time. |
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Writing
whatever pops into my head, when it pops there. |
Generating
cheesy pieces that ordinarily would be safely forgotten by day’s end. |
2002 BuriedintheNoise.com
Permission for reproduction will be granted if you ask nicely.