Since I turned 40 in 2017, I’ve done yearly surveys of pro athlete ages in the primary team sports I follow (baseball & football) to see how many of my fellow 40-somethings were still at it. The owner of a body in its late 30s or beyond begins to understand that competing physically with anyone younger ceases to be any kind of good idea. We may have experience and knowledge, and our hand-eye coordination may hold out for many more years (but even that’s no guarantee), but numerous systems will have started to decay or break down entirely. Recovery time from minor bumps and strains goes from days to weeks or months. Or never! We just start accumulating damage.

So let’s see which old people are left.

Previously:

Baseball

It’s official: There are no more major league players older than me.

But we have an update. Last year Bartolo Colon finished the season as the oldest player left in the majors. He also earned the title of Last Remaining Player Older Than Me. But as a fun gesture to honor their future Hall of Famer, the Mariners added Ichiro Suzuki to the active roster for their two-game series in Japan to begin this season. Ichiro’s last appearance came on March 21. So for two days into the 2019 season (and only those two days) the league continued to have a player older than me, Ichiro Suzuki.

Bartolo didn’t end up pitching this season, which wasn’t surprising given that, despite continuing to find employment, he hadn’t actually been all that good at his job for two solid years. Also worth noting that a couple other older guys who appeared in previous years’ lists are still holding down gigs in foreign leagues: Walter Silva continues to hang around the Mexican Leagues, and Koji Uehara plays in Japan.

The oldest player left in the Majors is Fernando Rodney, at 42 (and around two months younger than me). He’ll be part of the Nationals’ World Series roster. Good for him! (At this point, I figure if enough ex-Tigers win World Series titles, I can retroactively count it for the Tigers.) Fernando is the last 40-something remaining in the league, though there are a handful of 39-year-olds who ought to be playing next year.

Football

Per Pro Football Reference:

Old football players - Adam Vinatieri and Matt Bryant

Two survivors from last year’s list, both kickers. Adam Vinatieri missed a bunch of kicks the first couple of games this season and might’ve been close to losing his gig, but rallied and is doing well now. Matt Bryant has remained steady.

No way to really say how long these guys can keep it up. As noted in past years, since kickers don’t have to tackle or outrun anyone, it really just comes down to how long they can avoid some kind of leg injury or other nagging problem. George Blanda was the oldest player of all time, starting his career as a quarterback but transitioning into a kicker. He last appeared in a game aged 48 years, 3 months, 18 days. Our dudes have to be thinking about trying to surpass that. Adam Vinatieri will turn 48 next year, in December 2020 (the table above is a bit misleading–it’s currently his Age 47 season, but he won’t get there until December 28), but the season will end before he’d make it to 48 years, 3 months. He’d have to still be playing on opening day 2021, when he’d be something like 48 years, 8 months.

Update 29 October: I just read that Matt Bryant got cut from the Atlanta Falcons. He’s had a mediocre season so far and presumably the abysmal Falcons are just taking the opportunity to give a longer-term guy some seasoning. I also learned that Bryant actually hadn’t been in Atlanta’s plans for this year at all. They hadn’t actually re-signed him for this season but brought him back after their intended replacement bombed in the preseason. So for the moment Adam Vinatieri is the only remaining NFL player older than me, but we’ll have to see if Matt gets another temp gig this year.

To close the book on last year’s list… Punter Shane Lechler didn’t end up playing in 2018 and retired in the offseason. (When you don’t have a job, but “retire,” I guess that just means you stop practicing. Or your neighbors kindly ask you to stop punting footballs over the fence.) Phil Dawson did eventually get to try some kicks, and usually was still making them, but fought through a hip injury and the team eventually put him on injured reserve. He also retired, very amusingly signing a one-day contract to do so with the Browns, his original team. He must have enjoyed his time there, because those were some miserable Browns teams.

Three other active players are into their 40s: Tom Brady (turned 42 just before the season started), and Drew Brees and Josh McCown (both 40). Brady is still excellent, and I hate him and the Patriots so much. He has said various things about retiring, but it’s certainly a year-to-year thing. For Bill Belichick, too. They could win another Super Bowl this year and both walk away, or just keep grinding until they die or drive every non-New England football fan away from the sport entirely. I’d imagine Drew Brees is about done. The Saints have had some bad playoff luck the last couple of years. If they break through I’d guess he quits while on top. But really, probably just a season-to-season decision at this point. Josh McCown is a perfectly adequate career backup who just keeps getting jobs. I hope he outlasts everyone.

So. Here I go again, on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone…wait. What? No, not like a drifter. Not like that at all. That’s a terrible song. Today I will talk about the opposite of that, I will talk about good songs from the 1980s.

I did this last year for the ’90s, after my wife Kristen and I talked enough about our theoretical lists for so long that we finally got up the momentum to make them happen. Now we’re onto the ’80s. I encourage you to check hers out too. She has good taste and is a much better music writer.

As hard as the ’90s list was to put together, I hypothesized that making such a list for the ’80s might be even more agonizing, and it absolutely was. For me the ’90s are more static. Maybe because I lived them and was the most aware of what was going on than I would ever be again, or I just have a clear handle on the predominant styles, so it’s rare to discover anything new that really grabs me. That’s not to say my ’90s list will never change. In fact, I just swapped out a few things on the playlist since its initial publication last March. But I’ll say I’m 95% confident the list will remain a great representation of my favorite 1990s music until I die.

For the ’80s, I’ll say more like 60-70%. I’m still discovering new-to-me ’80s and earlier stuff all the time. I’d go so far as to say this is possibly now my favorite decade of music. (Edit: Nah, it’s probably the ’70s.) Post punk and new wave have become favorite genres. It was a brilliant time for synth experimentation. Plus it’s the golden age hip-hop and the birth of shoegaze. I like that so many artists mixed electronic and instrumental influences together, but the production generally still has an organic, analog feel.

Similar construction and caveats to the ’90s list. I’m not trying to capture the zeitgeist, this is just some dude’s opinions. I’d expect it will shift and change as I revisit it, and I wouldn’t bicker about precise ordering. It’s just a snapshot of where I’m at on October 14, 2019. It’s a mix of stuff that represents larger genres, and stuff that is the Most 1980s to me, and stuff that I just like for whatever reason. In the end it feels like a painfully short list where I necessarily have to omit hundreds of great songs. Sure, I wanted more Echo and the Bunnymen and Smiths songs. I couldn’t find room for Janet Jackson or EPMD or The Psychedelic Furs. But it’s still a good group.

P.S. It should be 80 for the ’80s aesthetically but I didn’t think it’s fair the ’90s got ten more simply by being later. Think of it as 80 songs and 10 bonus songs if it helps you sleep.

P.S.S. The Michael Jackson Is Controversial caveat: I decided to just not consider him.

All right, here you go:

[Link to playlist]

And the ranked list:

RankArtistSong
90Billy IdolEyes Without a Face
89George ClintonAtomic Dog
88Adam and the AntsStand and Deliver
87LL Cool JRock the Bells
86Prefab SproutAppetite
85The PoliceSpirits in the Material World
84Guns 'n RosesParadise City
83Minimal CompactStatik Dancin'
82The Soft BoysOnly the Stones Remain
81REMRadio Free Europe
80The AssociatesSkipping
79The Teardrop ExplodesWhen I Dream
78The Dead MilkmenPunk Rock Girl
77BauhausSpirit
76The TheThis is the Day
75Eric B. & RakimPaid in Full
74TranslatorEverywhere That I'm Not
73Missing PersonsDestination Unknown
72XTCMayor of Simpleton
71Thomas DolbyShe Blinded Me With Science*
70Huey Lewis and the NewsHeart and Soul
69Faith No MoreWe Care A Lot
68Bruce SpringsteenTunnel of Love
67The Go-BetweensBye Bye Pride
66ABCThe Look of Love
65The ChameleonsUp the Down Escalator
64Green on RedDeath and Angels
63BananaramaCruel Summer
62Spandau BalletTrue
61Thomas LeerWest End
60Big Daddy KaneAin't No Half Steppin'
59KraftwerkComputer World
58Husker DuBooks About UFOs
57The SmithsHow Soon Is Now?
56Big CountryIn a Big Country
55The SpecialsGhost Town
54The SugarcubesDelicious Demon
53Gary NumanRemind Me To Smile
52The FallNew Face in Hell
51Tears for FearsHead Over Heels
50De La SoulMe Myself and I*
49Billy OceanGet Outta My Dreams Get Into My Car
48Simple MindsDon't You Forget About Me
47Public EnemyDon't Believe the Hype
46Faith No MoreFalling to Pieces
45Cutting CrewLife in a Dangerous Time
44Siouxsie and the BansheesCities in Dust
43New OrderBlue Monday
42The BatsRound and Down
41U2Pride (In the Name of Love)
40The B-52'sLegal Tender
39Tears for FearsEverybody Wants to Rule the World
38Romeo VoidNever Say Never
37The CleanAnything Could Happen
36New OrderEverything's Gone Green
35The NamesI Wish I Could Speak Your Language
34Killing JokeLove Like Blood
33Grandmaster FlashThe Message
32Chaz JankelNumber One
31The Ocean BlueBetween Something and Nothing
30PixiesWhere is My Mind?
29UnitsHigh Pressure Days
28Van HalenPanama
27Biz MarkieJust a Friend
26The CureJust Like Heaven
25Bush TetrasYou Can't Be Funky
24Talking HeadsThis Must Be the Place
23Echo and the BunnymenA Promise
22FeltPrimitive Painters
21Public EnemyFight the Power
20Prince1999
19Bow Wow WowDo You Wanna Hold Me?
18Eddy GrantElectric Avenue**
17Sad Lovers & GiantsCloud 9
16The Icicle WorksWhisper to a Scream
15Altered ImagesI Could Be Happy
14Fine Young CannibalsShe Drives Me Crazy
13They Might Be GiantsDon't Let's Start
12SpoonsNova Heart
11New OrderCeremony
10The English BeatSave It For Later
9Joy DivisionIsolation
8PrinceAutomatic
7The Jesus and Mary ChainJust Like Honey
6Talking HeadsOnce in a Lifetime
5They Might Be GiantsShe's An Angel
4My Bloody ValentineThe Things I Miss*
3Gary NumanWe Are Glass
2They Might Be GiantsAna Ng
1Joy DivisionLove Will Tear Us Apart

* These tracks aren’t on Spotify at last check, so the playlist has some bonus tracks inserted after the Billy Idol and George Clinton kickoff (because I just really like the playlist starting with those two).

**Also not on Spotify, but I’ve included a cover version on the playlist.